Well, here I am sitting at my computer at 1:33am on the 13/07/2008. Tomorrow (14/7) I will be banded! Over the past couple of days all i have been doing when I've had a spare minute to myself is cry! I am so full of emotions right now that it's making me a bit bonkers! But it feels good to cry. You know one of those happy and relieved ones you have when you know ever thing is all about to change?
Well I guess now all I can do is tell you a little about myself. So here goes nothing....
I have pretty much ever since I can remember been a 'big' girl. In primary school I was teased by a nasty little cow in grade one who called me fat all the time. This is when I first realised that I was a little bit different to most of the kids. They all got picked on because they had glasses, or peed on the carpet. But I was the fat girl. It was in primary school where I found a love of sport. Any sport I played I was good at. Except for cross country, sprinting was OK but cross country was a no go! People couldn't believe how a chubby girl could actually be good at sport. For this reason, allot of other kids used to hurl insults my way until I pretty much gave up in year 5. I kept to myself pretty much and people usually ignored me.
Next was high school, where I wasn't really bullied that often. Sometimes one of the smart-arsed jock boys would say something but I didn't really care, I'd just go home and eat and feel better. In high school food became my comfort. My family was messed up which in turn messed me up. My parents had divorced in primary school and used me in their games to get back at each other. This was extremely hard and once again I'd turn to food. Doesn't matter what it was, could have been bread with only mayonnaise in it and I'd scoff it down. In the end, a full tummy meant I felt comforted. Every day after school I used to buy a 100gram bag of chips and a 600ml coke and have it when I got home.
I did very poorly in my final year of VCE and felt like a failure. I got accepted into a tafe course which I did for a term and dropped out. I started to work and for the first time ever I had my own money. Which I guess was kind of bad as my own money meant I could buy my own food. I used to go to the supermarket and buy chips, chocolate lollies and soft drink whenever I could. I had a reasonably physical job so I guess it helped me in not gaining the weight so fast. After a couple of years I moved onto my next job, which was a desk job. All day I sit on my ass and get no exercise. Well that's a lie, at lunch I'd go down to the local shop and buy a large serving of greasy food and a soft drink. then have a chocolate bar or bag of chips for afternoon tea.
A year or so went buy and I moved out of home. This is when I put on a majority of my weight. Within a year I'd grown soo big people in the street were making snide comments about my size. Because of this I have become a total hermit. I will only go where ever I feel comfortable (work, friends/families houses). I hate it. I am 21 years old and It makes me feel like crap. I should be out, having fun with my friends, not home by myself being miserable and eating shit! I want to go out but every time I do, some asshole has to ruin it by saying something about my size.
So last year I decided enough is enough. I went and saw my local GP who recommended I see Prof O'Brien and think about lap band surgery (I had tried numerous fad diets and pills and none ever worked). So I went along to an info session and the day after I called and made an appointment with Prof O'Brien. Before the appointment I took out top health cover and of course there was a 1 year wait for a pre-existing condition. So I went to the appointment and it was great. Booked my surgery for 14/7/2008. At the time it seemed so far away! But it has been oh so quick. The year flew by and I can hardly believe it's all going to happen in less than 48hrs.
So that's my story. I am excited. This is it! My new life. I can't wait to start exercising and feeling good for once. I want to be healthy. I want to be able to go for a run or go out with some friends and kick a footy around. This is my chance to change, andI won't mess it up. It is my tool, I will follow a healthy eating plan and make sure I exercise.
Well I am off to the Avenue today and check in at 4pm. I think this means I will be first thing monday morning which is scary but will be glad to get it over and done with. Well, I best be off to bed now. Wish me luck!
Oh and below are my before photos....... I can hardly look at them :-( I thoughtI should choose some clothes that are uber tight so you can see how big I am.
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